Issue 3

30 Phamenoth 2756 / 04 November 2007

Welcome to the third edition of The Ankhet Herald. It is our hope that we will be able to regularly provide an objective view on the happenings of Ankhet. Our main priority is to document the facts for future use and perusal.

The Articles

Malarthi's Token

Rough Tumble for smooth-mamma

Like a Rock?

Kauket Killed, Again

smooth_pappa's Rocky Road

Mikolaj Takes Offense

Stick a Needle in Malarthi's Eye

The Grinder 2 (Cont.)

The Anoints

The Annals

Poll 2 Results

Quote of the Issue

Because, sometimes "go fuck yourself" feels insufficient. - Euplicitous Aerophram, Underworld, "Smooth_Pappa" #102 in response to the question "Why do you want to kill people for saying what they think?"

TAG, You're It! AH-ha!

The Ankhet Gazette hasn't been updated in over six weeks. Their inactivity is what influenced those of us here at The Ankhet Herald to begin our own Ankhet newspaper. We hope to see a new issue from the people at The Ankhet Gazette soon.

Editor's Notes

If you:

-have a journalistic streak and want to assist with The Ankhet Herald . . .
-don't have a journalistic streak and want to a assist with The Ankhet Herald . . .
-think we missed something newsworthy . . .
-disagree with something in the articles . . .
-have an opinion and want it heard . . .
-have a question and want it answered . . .
-want to suggest a quote for the next issue . . .

Then send a letter to the editor at or reply with a comment here. (All comments are screened.) We are equal opportunity and non-discriminatory. Our goal is to publish every ten days, so anything submitted after the Ankhet date ends in nine will most likely not be used.

Malarthi's Token

On the 20th of Phamenoth, Krumku (Macrocosm) -- now anointed Corky -- killed the Apep Avatar. Soon after, Euplicitous Aerophram (N: The Riven) failed to doom him four times. Mikolaj (The Riven) then Devastated Krumku to death. Krumku was then Absolved by Euplicitous Aerophram and resurrected by Mikolaj via Phoenix Fire.

Euplicitous Aerophram made the statement: "As a token of appreciation for Malarthi's turning of a new leaf, the Riven have defended his honor. Krumku should not have smacked Malarthi's bitch up. Word." [1]

[1]: Underworld, "Arthur" #25

Rough Tumble for smooth-mamma

On the 20th of Phamenoth, smooth-mamma was expelled from The Riven dominion. Following the expulsion, smooth-mamma was Dueled by Mikolaj (The Riven) who then Ruined her three times. Euplicitous Aerophram (N: The Riven) then subjected smooth-mamma to the Judgment of Ra. No posts were made to explain the attacks, but soon after Euplicitous Aerophram announced under the title of Smooth-Mamma: "Is no longer worthy of being Riven." [1]

This situation parallels pakhet's expulsion from The Riven and Judgment on the 11th of Mecheir, which also culminated in an announcement with her name as the title: Is no longer worthy of being Riven. [2]

[1]: Announcement #536, "Smooth-Mamma"
[2]: Announcement #456, "Pakhet"

Like a Rock?

On the 21st of Phamenoth, pakhet (Monolith) converted from the path of Amin-Ra to the path of Sekhmet to create the Monolith dominion. She then invited former member of eidolon Dijital (N: Monolith) and former member of Nekhen BadKalamari (Monolith). Following the creation of the dominion, pakhet appointed Dijital as the new Nomarch.

The only mention of the genesis of this dominion was made by Dijital: "The heralds tell all." [1]

[1]: Underworld, "The Next Step" #1

Kauket Killed, Again

On the 22th of Phamenoth, Snigu Ka Tet (Shadows) slew Kauket at 23:44. Mikolaj (The Riven) Doomed and Devastated him to death, then Exhausted 700 of his Anima.

Snigu Ka Tet apologized, writing: "I understand what may happen." [1] Kalshinra (Nekhen) responded to Snigua Ka Tet's apology with a joke: "I am sorry, but now you must die. Prepare yourself." [2] Maa-kheru (Antirhodos) responded to Kalshinra with: "You might have been kidding but Mikolaj wasn't. He cast doom and devastated Snig for 93 vitality and then hit him for 700 anima. This for 5 seconds less time we could use Kauket? IMO this is going too far. ONE minute early is seldom a whole minute and I think that is very excessive and gives me a very poor opinion of Mikolaj and Riven if they condone this over kill." [3]

Maa-kheru's statement sparked another discussion on the early slaying of Kauket within Snigu Ka Tet's thread.

[1]: Underworld, "Slight Miscalculation" #1
[2]: Underworld, "Slight Miscalculation" #2
[3]: Underworld, "Slight Miscalculation" #3

smooth_pappa's Rocky Road

On the 23rd of Phamenoth, smooth_pappa (eidolon) was subjected to the Judgment of Ra by Euplicitous Aerophram (N: The Riven), fifty minutes after converting to the Divine Path of Atum-Ra. Either of the Divine Paths require a disciple to be Celestial (Level 81) before converting.

Prior to the Judgment, Euplicitous Aerophram posted: "Smooth_Pappa requested that I judge him. Carry on." [1] smooth_pappa responded after the Judgment: "for the record: I absolutely did not asked to be judged. Any text that EA posts to the contrary is fabricated by him. He might say that I was trying to set him up, and/or that I am lying. that is absolutely false. I was attacked outright. I trust that anyone here knows me better than to try and set up a war." [2]

Euplicitous Aerophram replied: "Is this what you’ve been reduced to? You can’t defeat us in debate or game play so you resort to lies and personal attacks? Obviously Anupet didn’t sabotage the eidolon QBD, but then you know that already. You have proof, but you’re not interested in that. This is all about you hurting Anupet for leaving Eidolon and Freya hurting the Riven for punishing her. Now there’s this judgment thing? Even Pakhet carried herself with more dignity. I have nothing but contempt for you now." [3]

Baltar (Shadows) joined the discussion with: "Considering that smooth_pappa had only just converted to the Path of Atum-Ra -- at a cost of millions of Favour -- I can conceive of absolutely no reason for him to request Judgment less than an hour later. If this is a set-up, it is one for which I would not have expected you to fall." [4] To which Euplicitous Aerophram responded: I typically answer judgment requests with an application of the ability rather than a confirmation telepath*. So, I suppose I was asking for this. Suffice it to say, no good deed goes unpunished. The circumstances certainly lend him credibility. That’s the brilliance of it, I suppose. Now they can parallel this to Giorgioh’s attack on you. *: I have requested confirmation once or twice, but then only when I failed to see the request until a day or so after it was made." [5]

Two and a half hours after the Judgment, Malarthi (eidolon) converted to the Path of Ahmose via Metasis Charm and inflicted Euplicitous Aerophram and Mikolaj (The Riven) with Paradoxes while smooth_pappa and smooth-mamma provided Anima support.

Anupet (The Riven) used a Cathartic Philter on Mikolaj. Mikolaj then Ruined Malarthi, Exhausted 50 of his anima and Devastated him to death and Ruined smooth_pappa and Devastated him to death. smooth-mamma used a Cathartic Philter on smooth_pappa and Mikolaj used a Cathartic Philter on Euplicitous Aerophram.

Euplicitous Aerophram and Mikolaj then Doomed and Devastated smooth-mamma to death. smooth_pappa used a Cathartic Philter on both smooth-mamma and Malarthi before being Doomed to death by Euplicitous Aerophram. Krumku (Macrocosm) wasted a Cathartic Philter on smooth-mamma and resurrected her with a Phoenix Fire.

Mikolaj then Exhausted 300 of Malarthi's Anima and Ruined and Doomed Krumku, killing him. Euplicitous Aerophram Doomed smooth-mamma to death. Anupet Soulrifted Malarthi, smooth-mamma, and smooth_pappa. RandomEmoticon (Shadows) then used a Cathartic Philter on smooth-mamma and Anupet Sapped 345 of Malarthi's Anima. Euplicitous Aerophram Doomed smooth-mamma to death again, following with an attempted Doom on RandomEmoticon which was deflected by Txaran. Euplicitous Aerophram Decimated RandomEmoticon 5 times while Mikolaj Devastated him to death.

Anupet then Soulrifted RandomEmoticon. Mikolaj Ruined Malarthi 5 times and Devastated him to death before Euplicitous Aerophram subjected him to the Judgment of Ra. While being Ruined, Malarthi poisoned Mikolaj with Keres Essence. Anupet then Sapped Anima from smooth_pappa, smooth-mamma, Krumku and RandomEmoticon while being Bequeathed Anima from Euplicitous Aerophram and Mikolaj.

Following these attacks, Euplicitous Aerophram made an announcement: "The Riven have no interest in perpetuating this afternoon's hostilities. We ask that those now down be allowed rise under their own power. Beyond that, we are done with this barring further acts of aggression against us." [6]

Later, Jumsy (N: Light) began Exhausting Anima from Euplicitous Aerophram, who responded by Dooming Jumsy to death and Exhausting 532 Anima from him. RandomEmoticon also made an announcement: "As part of the "those now down", I used our "own power" to dry a couple of us off. I am not doing this in order to facilitate further attacks. If further attacks are carried out against the Riven by those I unneg today to futher this event chain, I will accept that further attacks will be used on me." [7] The announcement was accompanied by Bequeathals to smooth_pappa and smooth-mamma. Euplicitous Aerophram Exhausted smooth_pappa and smooth-mamma for the same amount Bequeathed to them. After choosing to follow the Path of Hathor, Malarthi Resurrected smooth_pappa and Euplicitous Aerophram responded by Dooming smooth_pappa and Malarthi to death and then Exhausting 1043 Anima from Malarthi.

During the battle, Euplicitous Aerophram managed to post a reply to smooth_pappa: "Looks like your little ploy worked. That’s a damn shame." [8] To which Malarthi replied: "What's a real damn shame is none of us will give up. You'll have to look around corners for the rest of your life. And trust me, it's not fun." [9]

On the 25th of Phamenoth, Euplicitous Aerophram posted a challenge to smooth_pappa: "If there are things you want to say, do it here. In the open. Tell everyone about how you accused Anupet of sabotaging the Eidolon database that she helped build. Tell them how you know this and more from your "unnamed Riven source" (read: Freya). Tell us how you’ve disregarded all evidence to the contrary. Tell us all again how incredibly honest and innocent you are in all of this. I’d just fucking love to hear it." [10] smooth_pappa replied: "I already mentioned down here that I will not be pulled into a "he said she said" argument with you." [11]

The discussion that followed did little to alleviate tension, ultimately causing Euplicitous Aerophram to write to smooth_pappa : "Prior to all of this I would have said you were a standup fellow. Hands down. You think the Riven really suck. That’s your opinion and you’re welcome to it. The things you said about Em and Anupet, however, were just false and wrong. You have to realize now. There’s been more than enough evidence. Sacrificing friendships over things like this is just patently absurd. Why don’t you just apologize to them? As a gesture of good faith, I’m going to tutor you 300,000 favour." [12]

smooth_pappa made his last public post in response to Euplicitous Aerophram: "This game has ceased to be the fun escape from Real life that it used to be. it has become a place where I can expect to be lied to, drawn into confrontations that I never wanted, and have no idea who to trust or not anymore. EA, I'm sorry for the anima that you squandered today, but I feel that chipdoc maybe had the right idea about this place. I may be back at some point in the future, but we'll see. It's been fun playing with you all. Until it stopped, that is." [13] smooth_pappa then appointed 0zymandias as the new Nomarch of eidolon and has not logged into Ankhet since.

[1]: Underworld, "Prearranged Duels" #10
[2]: Underworld, "Prearranged Duels" #11
[3]: Underworld, "Prearranged Duels" #13
[4]: Underworld, "Prearranged Duels" #22
[5]: Underworld, "Prearranged Duels" #23
[6]: Announcement #546, "A Riven Statement"
[7]: Announcement #547, "Just following the rules"
[8]: Underworld, "Prearranged Duels" #24
[9]: Underworld, "Prearranged Duels" #25
[10]: Underworld, "Smooth_Pappa" #1
[11]: Underworld, "Smooth_Pappa" #3
[12]: Underworld, "Smooth_Pappa" #69
[13]: Underworld, "Smooth_Pappa" #110

Mikolaj Takes Offense

On the 25th of Phamenoth, Mikolaj (The Riven) Devastated allispaul (Nekhen) to death and Exhausted 770 of his Anima. Mikolaj posted: "You continue to falsely attribute words and ideas to me that I have never stated. I will no longer tolerate this. I have expressed my concern about this many times and feel that I have been more than generous in bringing the situation to your attention. I hope that this will, at least partially, help you remember to be more exact in your future discussions with me. I request that no disciples assist allispaul until tomorrow at this time, the 26th of Phamenoth at 18:18." [1] allispaul defended himself, ended his post with: "I am very disillusioned." [2]

On the 26th of Phamenoth, Mikolaj again Devastated allispaul and Exhausted 700 of his Anima. Mikolaj stated: "allispaul is currently at positive anima and as such I can only conclude that he assisted himself out of negative anima through the use of some artifact. Additionally, his recent post shows no effort to curb his lying tendencies. Therefore, I am extending his sentence in the underworld until midnight tonight." [3] allispaul's last post in the topic: "Thank you for letting me out. I'm still offended by what you did. However, I'll take what you said to heart and be sure to think before I type and quote in place of paraphrasing." [4] Mikolaj responded: "Thank you for taking this seriously. Your response is more than I could ask for. [5]

[1]: Underworld, "allispaul" #1
[2]: Underworld, "allispaul" #11
[3]: Underworld, "allispaul" #15
[4]: Underworld, "allispaul" #16
[5]: Underworld, "allispaul" #17

Stick a Needle in Malarthi's Eye

On the 26th of Phamenoth, Malarthi opened the Eye of Menthu. Malarthi has stated in the past: "This is a formal request that no one open the Eye of Menthu. Anyone who does so will no longer recieve any assistance from me for an indeterminate time. Anyone else can do whatever the hell they want to you as well." [1] "I do have something against is anyone opening the Eye of Menthu." [2] "I believe the eye should never be opened, certainly without warning, and that anyone who does so needs SWIFT negative feedback." [3]

After opening the Eye of Menthu, Malarthi wrote: "Don't kill me too hard please." [4]

[1]: Announcement #235, "Attention all Disciples"
[2]: Announcement #241, "Clarification"
[3]: Underworld, "Explain yourself" # 15
[4]: Halls of Initiation, "Eye of Menthu Voting" #14

The Grinder 2 (Cont.)

(The first article on The Grinder 2 can be found here.)

Round One Eliminations: JadeMage and Dijital

Round Two split the contestants into five teams of two: Allispaul and Smooth-Mamma, Altair and Snigu Ka Tet, Baltar and Krysondra, Akhenuraeus and Mikolaj, Stormcaller and Em. The Challenge: "Teams must now work together to select a single video from This video must be accessible without creating an account and must not exceed my attention span (which, for the purposes of this challenge is 8 minutes). The video must not contain pornography. The winning video will be determined by its humorous, aesthetic, or intellectual appeal." [1]

The winners of Round Two were Allispaul and Smooth-Mamma for their entry, Tony vs. Paul.

Round Two Elimination: Mikolaj

Round Three split the contestants into three teams of three: Snigu Ka Tet, Em and Akhenuraeus, Smooth-Mamma, Altair and Allispaul, Stormcaller, Baltar and Krysondra. The Challenge: "Teams must now work together to write a poem about the top four dominions*. Each verse should be four lines with a traditional A,B,A,B rhyme scheme. Each dominion must be the subject of at least one full verse. The winning team will be chosen for the intellectual and/or comical value of their submission. *: Shadows, Eidolon, Light, and the Riven" [2]

The winners of Round Three were Snigua Ka Tet, Em and Akhenuraeus for their entry: "There Can Be Only.... Four?" [3]

Round Three Elimination: Altair

Round Four split the contestants into four teams of two: Morningstar and Akhenuraeusm, Baltar and Snigu Ka Tet, Em and Smooth-Mamma, Krysondra and Allispaul. The Challenge: "Teams must now work together to create the Ankhet high-school yearbook. Teams should select a homecoming king and queen, a class motto, and at least ten "most likely to.." entries. Disciples who have been desecrated or succumb to ennui may not be included. The winning team will be determined by wit, appropriateness, and hilarity."

The winners of Round Four were Stormcaller and Akhenuraeus. [4] Euplicitous Aerophram accepted his own challenge for this round, posting the results in Neophytes, "Miscellaneous Chat" #26.

As of the writing of this article, no contestants have been voted off for Round Four.

[1]: Neophytes, "The Grinder 2: Round Two" #1
[2]: Neophytes, "The Grinder 2: Round Three" #1
[3]: Neophytes, "The Grinder 2: Round Three" #2
[4]: Neophytes, "The Grinder 2: Round Four" #1

The Anoints

Previous NameCurrent Name
Up And Atem Jesus
Curdled GrapefruitBottom-Heavy Grapefruit
smooth-babbaMalarthi Behemoth
Malarthi Behemoth Malarthi
Sabre-Toothed LimeMacaulay Culkin
Bad Wolf Violet
Macaulay Culkin eve

The Annals

Atum-RaMikolaj85The Riven
Amin-RaEuplicitous Aerophram84The Riven
BastSnigu Ka Tet84Shadows
AhmoseMullhotep 84The Riven
SekhmetDarkEternal83Level Nine
AnubisAnupet80The Riven
SelketMaa-kheru 76Antirhodos*
4The Riven24Euplicitous Aerophram
6Antirhodos16Belle Morte
8Red Lantern Core 15Kazkek
10Level Nine 12DarkEternal
Beast Slayers
1Mikolaj60The Riven
2DarkEternal50Level Nine
3smooth-mamma41The Riven
5Euplicitous Aerophram 31The Riven
6Snigu Ka Tet 29Shadows
8Altair 27Light
9Mullhotep27 The Riven
Truth Sayers
3Snigu Ka Tet 149Shadows
4Mikolaj123The Riven
1Mikolaj99.6%The Riven
7DarkEternal98.3%Level Nine
8Mullhotep 98.1%The Riven
10Ako Nebi 98%eidolon
[*]: Disciples that currently follow a path that removed their access to a dominion are considered members of their most recent dominion unless publicly stated otherwise.
[Bold]: Changes from last issue's Annals are signified by bold typeface.

Poll 2 Results

Demographics: How old are you?
Total Votes: 26
50+ 5 (19%)
46-50 0 (0%)
41-45 0 (0%)
36-40 2 (7%)
31-35 2 (7%)
26-30 4 (15%)
21-25 5 (19%)
16-20 6 (23%)
11-15 2 (7%)
0-10 0 (0%)